The Effects on Children

Domestic violence can include physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Studies show that men are most often the perpetrators. They usually try to justify their actions by believing they were goaded into losing their tempers. Women tend to blame themselves for provoking their partner. Children who witness regular acts of domestic violence have greater emotional and behavioral problems than other children do. Even young children can be profoundly frightened and affected. Contrary to widespread belief, your children do have the ability to remember and will not just 'forget' about an episode of violence.

Short term effects of domestic violence

A child's response to repeated domestic violence depends on several factors including his/her age, gender, personality, and family role. Some of the immediate effects can include:

• Blaming themselves for the violence
• Sleeping difficulties, such as nightmares
• Regression to an earlier stage of development, such as thumb sucking
• Bedwetting
• Increased anxiety or fearfulness
• Withdrawal from people and events
• Bullying at school
• Cruelty to animals
• Stress related illnesses, such as headaches or stomach pain
• Speech difficulties, such as stuttering
• Drug or alcohol abuse

Long term effects of Domestic Violence

A child growing up in an abusive household learns to handle problems with violence. Some of the long-term effects may include copying their parental role models and behaving in much the same destructive ways in their adult relationships. For example, a boy who witnessed his father regularly abusing his mother may feel that violence towards a partner is acceptable. However, not all children who grow up in abusive homes will grow up to abuse others.

Children who witness regular acts of domestic violence have greater emotional and behavioral problems then other children.

Drug and Alcohol Abuse

Around one-third of parents who misuse drugs or alcohol also abuse their children. Not all parents with a drug addiction intentionally hurt their children. For some, the addiction is so overwhelming that it takes priority over everything else, including looking after their children's needs. Any parent who uses drugs will exhibit unpredictable behaviors, and children need consistency if they are to develop trust and a sense of security. Some of the effects of parental drug and alcohol abuse on the children may include:

• Failure to thrive
• School and learning problems
• Emotional problems such as anxiety or stress
• Loss of trust in adults
• Increased risk of mental illness or suicide in later life
• Increased risk of substance abuse

Take Action to Stop the Violence

Domestic violence does not resolve itself. Acting against it teaches your child that abuse is unacceptable. Professional organizations can help both partners change their behaviors. If safety is a concern, leave home immediately. Consult your doctor or contact a domestic violence helpline for advice. A parent with substance addiction needs professional treatment; keep harmful substances away from children.

How to Help Your Child

You can help your child emotionally recover from domestic violence in many ways, including:

• Protect them from violence by taking them out of the home, if necessary.
• Tell them that abusive behavior is wrong.
• Reassure them that none of the violent episodes were their fault in any way.
• Tell them how much you love them and cuddle them often.
• Encourage them to talk openly about their feelings.
• Get extra help for their schooling.
• Enlist a trusted adult to provide your child with emotional support.
• Seek professional help, such as counseling.

Where to Get Help

• Your Pastor
• Your doctor
• Parenting Hotline
• Domestic Violence Hotline
• Police
• Hospitals